Prelude. How was your summer dear readership? What’s that you say? It was good with the sunny days and the outdoor recreation and the grill-cookouts and the friendly friends? Well that’s great. I’m happy for you. Oh and how was DF’s summer you want to know? Why how very kind of you to ask. Let’s see how do I put this? How about en Francais: it blew le chunks. And to translate from the French for you goddamned philistines that’s how the frogs say that DF’s summer was as about as enjoyable as eating an enormous hairy elephant-ass sandwich with an XL plate of steaming kittykat feces on the side all washed down with a 64oz tankard of yeti snot.

Ahem. To explain for those of you who have been living under a rock and/or failing to read regular DF-related updates on the justifiably popular blog “All DF All the Time” DF (due predictably to a perilous combination of inebriation clumsiness and pure unadulterated idiocy) experienced a truly spectacular dual fracture of his left tibia and fibula back in mid-June and spent the rest of the summer largely horizontal and in various stages of massive discomfort and/or Vicodin-induced haze.

So it’s been a shut-in couple of months for DF but his recovery is well under way and at long last it’s time for him to make his crutch-tastic debut complete with comically pronounced limp. And what better place to re-introduce the world to the new hobbled DF than the Doll Factory where the Fight Crew will try to break their loooong regular season losing skid against the Varsity Brawlers who are looking to win for the first time in their (admittedly short) history? In other words derby people it’s time to bring out the gimp!

7.16pm. Losanjealous CA. And to be fair the tib/fib fracture isn’t all bad news. It comes with a great perk: an official DMV-sanctioned handicapped placard that if DF understands correctly entitles us disableds to do whatever we want whenever we want despite contrary law and for free. And so DF careens Fac-ward down Temple Blvd. does a Dukes-of-Hazzard-style donut at the intersezzione with Bonnie Brae and leaves his 1996 magenta Monte Carlo mid-street for easy post-bout finding. Horns honk and pedestrians shake fists but DF simply waves his beloved handicapped placard. It’s in the Constitution people (just above “cop killer bullets” and below “gays can’t marry”).